Dear Fabulous PDX Readers,

I recently had a situation that is probably all too familiar in the GLBT community.  I’d like to share my story with you.

I am pretty active on Facebook; joining different causes and posting/reposting interesting articles.  On one particular day, I joined two groups: Portland Latino Gay Pride and Let Constance Take Her Girlfriend to Prom!  I join a lot of groups, some have to do with the lesbian part of me but most just have to do with me as a person.  For example, I am also a fan of Sesame Street.

Well, apparently, that was just one post too many about my “lifestyle” and it prompted one of my family members to message me to inform me that they were going to un-friend me.

Really??  This is the same family member that insisted on coming to my wedding.  He stated at that time that he loved me and loved who ever I loved.  I knew that he probably didn’t agree with my choice of partner, but I was proud of him to put that behind himself to be a part of my day.

Through some emails and messages, I was reminded of one fact and discovered another.

First, my relative is technology challenged, to put it nicely.  He thought all of my posts that showed up on his feed were also showing up in all of his friend’s feeds.  This is why he labeled my posts as not “responsible” or “considerate”.

Second, when I got down to the meat of it, he was worried that someone, particularly a potential employer, might associate me and my “lifestyle” with him.  This was embarrassing to him and made him fearful of missing out on employment opportunities by just associating with a known lesbian.

This story isn’t about “Poor me, please feel sorry for me because portions of my family don’t accept me for who I am.”  In fact, for the most part I have the most amazing family who has been completely supportive.
It is about standing up for ourselves and making homophobia as taboo as racism.

The fact is that society does not consider it a taboo to be homophobic.  Even within our community and with allies, what we hear is “give them time, they just have to get used to the idea, they’ll come around” or “you have to respect their beliefs, you know they still love you” or something like that.

Why??  If I had family that didn’t come to my wedding because my partner is a Latina, I’d call them out as being racist.  But because they didn’t come because she is a she, I’m supposed to love them until they come around??  It’s ok for people who love me to be embarrassed of me?

I don’t want to sever all ties with anyone who disagrees with me.  But I am tired of two things.

1. Knowing people for over 30 years who now find out what kind of person I like to sleep with and so our relationship is now completely different.
2. Feeling pressure from society, friends and family to accept homophobia even in its mildest form.

So to everyone that fits either of these two scenarios, hear me.  I don’t care who you sleep with and it is none of your business who I sleep with.  If you make a homophobic comment or take a homophobic position around me, I will call you on it just like I would if you made a “harmless” racial joke.  None of this stuff is harmless and I will not propagate it any further.

And yes, for the record, I granted my relative’s request to un-friend me.

Very sincerely yours,
Allyson Burk

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Allyson Burk lives in Vancouver, Washington. She is a big fan of Rebecca Strack, The Energy Well Reiki

Tags: facebook, homophobia