Dear Proud & Willing
Dear Fabulous Marc:
Hello, I have a couple of questions for you, and if you have the time, and of course, at your leisure if you please, I’d love some answers!
Very recently, about month and a half ago, I got CLEAN, as in Narcotics Anonymous clean, which I am a proud & willing member, & which I find extremely useful. In the short time I’ve been clean however, I’ve literally been inundated with feelings of all sorts, which is good I’m told, but it scares me. I have discovered that my problems are not really about drugs at all. I’ve been having resurfacing memories, severe anger issues, and crying bouts, throughout all of this I must add, I am still so grateful to be clean & sober. I do not really feel bad, just weird.
I did survive abuse as a kid, sexual, verbal, emotional, & mental; as did my siblings; I am gay; I am 31. My question is concerning therapy & if you could perhaps point me in a direction, any direction would be so very appreciated. I am employed, but have no insurance, so I realize that this is an issue? I would prefer someone who is probably male, although I am open; experienced in sexual abuse; addiction; and being healthy. Portland is a city rife with options for people in my situation: poor! Are there any sliding scale places that you know of, etc.? Options that I am perhaps unaware of?
Thanks so much for your time. I am much obliged.
Sincerely,
proud and willing
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Dear Proud & Willing
I first want to stress that becoming clean from Narcotics is an amazing step and you really need to be commended for the strength that it has taken for you to do this. And while I would have to agree with you that the underlying factors for your drug use are more than likely the sexual abuse, first things first. You are still young in your recovery and are at a very fragile place. I want to encourage you to work your program, go to meetings and use your sponsor A LOT! This will be the foundation for all the other work that you have started on your journey to wholeness.
Being inundated with feelings is very common. Generally at the age that some one starts using and abusing drugs and alcohol is the developmental age that they stop maturing. So it only makes sense that when you get clean and sober that developmentally there is a lot of catching up that takes place. This can be very overwhelming when your reason for using was to avoid these feeling in the first place.
What I would suggest is that you get a journal, one that has a lock on it or that you have a place that you can lock it away. And write all the feelings, memories, what you are angry about and what is causing you to cry. Write, draw, scribble, paste, do what ever helps you to gather what you are experiencing and put them in your journal. I suggest that it be a journal that can be locked for two reasons. The first is that as a survivor of abuse your fundamental sense of privacy has been violated, your feelings and what you write about them need to be private to you and shared only when you want to share them. The second reason is knowing that you can lock up these feelings in a journal once you get them out of you can help bring some stability back to your life. These feeling will always be there safely locked away for you to deal when you are ready to.
As to your question about therapy, there is the Men’s Resource Center, and the Sexual Minority Provider Alliance, both you can find on the web. There are a number of GLBT AA and NA groups in Portland that are very supportive. Look up Portland AA or NA on the web and you will be able to find meeting times. For healthy social activities with other men check out Manifest at www.Qland.org. Also check out my web page www.rmarcandrews.com there are a verity of articles and resources that you might find useful.
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R. Marc Andrews is a counselor in Portland, Oregon specializing in gay male relationships and issues.
PLEASE READ CAREFULLY: This is an advice column. It should never take the place of therapy offered by a licensed professional. Neither R. Marc Andrews nor Fabulous PDX bears any liability for the advice given or your interpretation of it. If you need help, please contact 911.
Tags: abuse, mental health help, recovery
Wow. This is incredible, Marc. Although not as serious, I am struggling with quitting smoking and I find that the same theory applies – I need to explore the REAL reasons I was smoking so much when I knew it was bad for me. There is always something else.