Hi Fabulous Marc – I am wondering what you think about this article – 

Do you think open relationships work? Are they, in fact, BETTER for gay men?

Sincerely,

Marc Andrews

Open Wide?

Dear Open Wide
I have been doing research in the dynamic of gay relationships for a long time and have been very interested in this study. Do open relationships work? Yes, do closed relationships work? Yes, do dominant / submissive relationships work? Yes, do older and younger relationships work, yes.  The fact of the matter is there are as many varieties of types of relationships as there are relationships out there.  All have their pros and cons.  We have seen that marriage does not work for all heterosexuals with divorce reaching close to 50%.  Homosexuals have been in the forefront of exploring different types of relationships as a result of not being bound by the myopic view that all relationships must lead to marriage.

The key factor in whether a relationship works, what ever the type of relationship is, is communication. Again, this is an area that I feel that homosexuals have been free to develop more than heterosexuals.  As long as the individuals involved, and I say individuals meaning two, three, four and so on, communicate openly and honestly about their needs, desires, and boundaries, relationships can work for as long as they meet the needs of all those involved.  I think a another misguided notion is that a relationship is only successful if the individuals stay involved till “death do them part.”  A relationship can be successful if it is entered into openly and honestly and can be successful if it ends with openness and honesty.  We as GLBT have the ability to really look at some of the misguided things that we have been taught.  “That their is one true love of our life out there” with the number of people on this planet, I think it would be safe to say that there are probably a number of true loves for each and every one of us.  Or the “love of your life will fulfill all yours needs in life”  Really?  That really puts a lot of pressure on your partner and limits yourself.  We don’t just have one friend but many friends with who we share interest.  How can one person be the end all and be all for us?

Now do not mistake this as me being against marriage for GLBT individuals or advocating for open relationships.  But rather we should have the right to have the type of relationship that we feel work for us.  Whether that is marriage to one person, an open relationship, polyamorous relationships, or deciding to be single and surrounding yourself with many close friends.  We have so many possibilities!

————————————————-

R. Marc Andrews is a counselor in Portland, Oregon specializing in gay male relationships and issues.

• Got a question for Fabulous Marc? Click here.

• Visit Marc’s Website.

PLEASE READ CAREFULLY: This is an advice column. It should never take the place of therapy offered by a licensed professional. Neither R. Marc Andrews nor Fabulous PDX bears any liability for the advice given or your interpretation of it. If you need help, please contact 911.

Tags: advice, open relationships